


Let me down slowly

by Kuroi_Tsuki



Category: Naruto
Genre: Insecurity, M/M, unexpected turn of events
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-04
Updated: 2020-07-04
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:15:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25075963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kuroi_Tsuki/pseuds/Kuroi_Tsuki
Summary: Kakashi has been together with Iruka for a some time now. He still doesn't understand why someone like Iruka is willing to deal with all his emotional baggage, insecurities and weird manners, but the teacher is probably the best thing that has ever happened to him. He is increadibly happy. Until Irukas behaviour towards Kakashi slowly changes, that is. The longer Iruka avoids discussing this with Kakashi, the clearer the outcome becomes to him. In the end all Kakashi wishes for is for the unbearable tension to resolve, even if he knows the outcome is the most unfavourable he can think about. Or is it?
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka
Comments: 6
Kudos: 79





	Let me down slowly

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fanfiction I ever wrote. The idea came to me while listening to Alec Benjamin's "Let me down slowly", hence - and due to my lack of creativity - the title. I hope you like it. 
> 
> There will be another one that fills some gaps from Iruka's point of view. As soon as I find time to deal with my handwriting and manage to acutally type it up. This may take a while (several months probably).

Kakashi had never thought he’d ever be this happy again. Until he met Iruka that was. Well, met might be a bit inaccurate. They’d been acquaintances for several years before they started dating. But who cares for such details.

However, for some time now Kakashi had become worried. An awkward feeling that slowly increased over time. At first, the changes in Iruka’s behaviour were subtle and in themselves hardly noticeable. Kakashi might have imagined everything. But over the last few weeks, the changes increased in number and became more pronounced. Iruka seemed overly stressed and on edge. More easily startled, less perceptive, unconcentrated… there was a long list.  
When Kakashi asked him about it, Iruka tried to dodge the topic, blamed it on stress at the academy, his students being even more chaotic than usual, lots of bureaucratic stuff and so on. More often, when Kakashi came up to him when Iruka was talking to some of their mutual friends, he reacted shocked, startled and, it seemed to Kakashi, annoyed. And was there a hint of fear where there should have been pleasant surprise and joking scolding for sneaking up on him once again? More than once, Kakashi noticed Iruka hiding whatever he had been discussing. When being asked, he dismissed whatever it was as “nothing important”. When Kakashi became more insistent, Iruka even yelled at him that it was none of his (fucking) business and that he should leave it alone already. To be fair, he visibly regretted it as soon as the words had left his mouth, apologizing and blaming his sudden outburst on stress and lack of sleep. But why was it that Iruka wasn’t sleeping well? And why had Kakashi not noticed?  
When Kakashi asked their friends about Iruka’s recent odd behaviour, they either dismissed it or gave rather evasive answers.  
On top of all that, Iruka had started to outrightly lie to him. When he returned home late more and more, he told Kakashi stories of having to work late, academy meetings, drinking with worried friends in order to relax a bit… Somehow some of those stories did not quite seem to add up. Kakashi might not be the most social person, but he did talk to people once in a while.  
Kakashi did by no means want to distrust Iruka. He tried to calm his overactive brain, full of worst-case scenarios, by telling himself that Iruka will have his reasons for leaving Kakashi in the dark and that he loved Kakashi and that he would never purposely hurt him. Of the latter at least Kakashi was convinced.  
But the longer all this went on (close to being a month now, wasn’t it?) the more Kakashi’s worst fear started to take over. He even thought about sending Pakkun after the teacher to find out what the hell all his odd behaviour was about, but speaking of trust… and the fact that Pakkun would probably have flicked him the finger, telling Kakashi to spy on Iruka himself if he needed to or to grow a pair and confront Iruka with some real effort for fucks sake.  
The last straw was when Kakashi, who was taking a late walk to calm his mind because Iruka had not come home to their usual dinner appointment due to some academy emergency meeting, saw the latter inside a rather shady bar in a part of the city that neither of them usually frequented. And Iruka was not alone. He was accompanied by a person whom Kakashi could not see cleary because they were hidden in the shadow of a pillar. Iruka’s bodylanguage suggested, that he was slightly intoxicated and he seemed more relaxed and at easy than Kakashi had seen him in weeks. From where he stood, Kakashi could hear snippets of their conversation:  
“I’m so glad it will be over soon… … I don’t think I can do that any longer… “  
The stranger leaned on Iruka’ shoulder from behind  
“Do you think Kakashi suspects something?… … “  
“I hope not. He’s been asking more and more questions lately… I should have found the courage sooner… I clearly already hurt him… “  
Not being able to listen any longer, Kakashi turned around and let his feet carry him, his mind suddenly blank. When he came back to himself, he was not surprised to find himself in front of the memorial stone. He hadn’t visited his dead friends in a while, hardly at all since he had Iruka. He simply hadn’t felt a need to, he realized. But his subconscience seemed to have understood his immediate need for unaccompanied company. He let his mind wander, wondering what he should do. But this time even the dead knew no answer.  
When he came home in the early hours of the morning to a cold and empty bed, untouched, Kakashi saw his worst fear confirmed. He knew that Iruka did not wand to hurt him, he probably just didn’t know how to let Kakashi down slowly/gently, being aware of Kakashi’s history of personal losses.  
But Kakashi simply couldn’t go on like this. So he decided to confront Iruka as soon as he reappeared. Which never happen.  
Kakashi’s brooding was interrupted in the early afternoon by a loud, energetic knock on his front door, which Kakashi tried to ignore. He knew exactly whom he would find behind the now shaking piece of wood and he was in no mood for what awaited him, should he open it. Unfortunately Guy was a rather insisted person, so Kakashi, not keen on having to replace his front door, finally gave in, trying to force the visible part of his face into his usual carefree expression.  
“My eternal rival… “, Guy boomed, then stopped in his tracks. So much for Kakashis neutral expression.  
He then told Kakashi in a rather subdued voice that Iruka wanted to meet him at the academy.  
With a heavy sigh, Kakashi followed his oldest friend. In his mind he went through a thousand different scenarios on how to confront Iruka with what he had seen the night before and the seemingly unavoidable break-up that would follow and how to exit the stage with his pride intact. (He could and would break down in private later). The fact that all that Guy did was put a supportive hand on Kakashi’s shoulder, not uttering a single word, spoke volumes in itself.

When he finally saw Iruka, he walked towards him, but stopped at arm’s length, keeping Iruka from coming any closer.  
“Kakashi… “, was all Iruka could say, before the former began to speak.  
“Iruka, we have to talk. I know that I’m not an easy person to like, but I’m grateful for the time you let me spend by your side. I never thought I would be able to be this happy again before you found your way into my heart. I think I know what you’re going to say. I saw you at the bar yesterday when I was talking a walk, and I overheard part of your conversation… “.  
“Kakashi… “, Iruka started to blush. “I’m so sorry… I never wanted you to find out like this… …“  
“Don’t apologize”, Kakashi said before Iruka could continue. “I know you never wanted to hurt me. But sometimes hard and fast is better than gently and slow. Don’t make this any more painful for both of us.” At that Iruka’s expression started to change, confusion replacing the look of shame.  
“Kakashi, what… “  
“Iruka, let me finish. It’s OK that you found someone else. Everything we had was to good to be true anyway… “, Kakashi tried to keep his voice casually neutral. Iruka seemed to be at loss for words.  
“You know I love you, in a way I never thought I’d ever be able to. But that also means I want you to be happy, so I’m letting you go. You don’t have to stay with me out of consideration for my feelings any longer. You don’t have to pretend because you can’t find a way to let me go gently.”  
Kakashi hadn’t thought Iruka could look any more confused. Then his feature changed to his typical teacher’s scold, about to reprimand one of his little troublemakers.  
“Hatake Kakashi!!” Kakashi’s next words stuck in his throat.  
“They call you a genius. But you are insufferable, most dense, utterly stupid, super cute and most adorable person I know.”, Iruka’s expression changed from stern to fond.  
Now it was Kakashi’s time to blink in confusion. Wasn’t Iruka going to tell him sorry, thank you and goodbye?  
Iruka continued “Did you really think I’m letting you get away so easily?”  
“Iruka, what the hell are you talking about? Stop playing games with me. You’ve practically been acting all weird, trying to avoid me more and more for a month now, slowly blocking me out of your life.”. Kakashi became increasingly annoyed as he talked, almost yelling now. “You’ve even outright lied to me. Academy emergency meeting my ass. As I said, I saw you yesterday. Relaxed and enjoying yourself, with another person hanging from your shoulders, practically nibbling at your neck…. “  
Iruka groaned and looked at Kakashi with that unreadable expression that he had worn a lot lately. Instead of replying, all he did was whistle.  
There was a bang and lots and lots of smoke. All of Kakashi’s instincts told him to run, but he was prevented from it by stern hands on his shoulders. When the smoke had cleared, the air was filled with colourful glitter, and the gym was suddenly full of people and then there was this huge colourful banner saying “Happy anniversary”.  
When Kakashi looked back to Iruka, stunned and completely at a loss for words, Iruka knelt before him smiling at Kakashi fondly.  
“Hatake Kakashi, insufferably dumb genius that you are. I know that you are full of flaws, always late, reading porn all day and always full of mischief. And I love every single of your strange, adorable antics. I wouldn’t want to miss them for a single day for the rest of my life.  
With that, he reached inside his vest to retrieve a small nondescript box, which he slowly opened.  
“Hatake Kakashi, will you let me suffer your presence for the rest of my live?”  
Inside the box was a simple silver ring.  
“Will you marry me?”.  
Kakashi’s eyes widened. He could do nothing but stare at the scene that had just unfolded himself before his eyes. Everything he suffered through during the last month, replaying in his mind until finally all pieces clicked together. He gaped open-mouthed, all faces in the room trained on him.  
When he didn’t answer, Iruka’s features started to fall, his expression changing from expectant to insecure/disappointed.  
“Kakashi? … … … “, the hint of sadness in Iruka’s voice finally startling Kakashi awake again.  
Not trusting his voice, he grabbed both of Irukas hands, pulled him to his feet and drew him in for a kiss that was to convey all the feelings he wasn’t able to put into words.  
When their lips finally parted, he nodded with a smile and a hardly audible “Yes, I will”, hugging Iruka tightly.  
Iruka’s response was drowned out in a wave of cheers.


End file.
